Monday 9 June 2014

I’m a Chicken

I hate confrontation, I always have. I won’t go into the inner workings of my twisted mind. Nor will I go on some grand tour of my childhood the point of which would be to blame my parents. 

I make my choices and it is how we react to what has happened to us which shape us into who and what we are. As for me, I hate confronting people and/or letting people down.

I tried to work myself up to talk to the Landlady to let her know that I am moving out. I know that I must let her know, today. She needs enough time to find someone else to rent this room. She deserves to know. I know intellectually that she will be fine and that she has told me that she doesn’t need any notice. 

I still feel that I am letting her down by moving out. I also know that by telling her I am moving out, I am actually moving out and into my trailer. This will then make this choice real. This feels like when I handed in my notice for my townhouse. I know that I need to do this, I will make myself tell her tonight.

On Friday, I got a pleasant visit from an old friend. I have known her since elementary school and while she has been in my life she has not dominated it. She has simply been there, a quiet, constant presence. It was good to catch up with her and find out that she has been more supportive of me than I knew. She has been my quiet champion, and I send out my thanks to her . . . she who needs not be named. 

As we talked and visited there was a calming connection. While we have not seen each other in years and have rarely spoke on Facebook, it felt as if we had just seen each other last week, and the week prior. It was good to feel such a casual and comforting presence. I felt no need or desire to puff myself up or lie to impress my long-time friend. I had the impression that any such attempt she would see right through. I look forward to seeing her again, soon.

Saturday morning I went to my Storage place and got a second storage unit. In it I moved my bedroom suite and all of the things that I don’t want. I know since my life is now shrinking down to living in Wanda and possibly moving to Toronto, I have decided only to keep what will fit in the back of Treabilla as I pull Wanda down the road. 

I know that the trip to Toronto will take longer than others might do it, as I will be loaded down. That is why I will make sure to keep only what is absolutely essential; only that which means something to me. If I can buy it again, out it goes. Here, this is what it looks like, let me know if you want anything . . . or all of it I will give you a great deal on it. I plan to keep this unit for only a month, as I sell it's contents.

I know that moving into the trailer is the right decision for me. I visited Wanda on Saturday afternoon. Okay, I had to move Wanda from one part of the storage place to another. As well I had to do a few minor repairs, and put some stickers on her. As promised here are the shots of the stickers that I put on Wanda.

As I was in and about Wanda it felt as if this was home. I didn’t have to tiptoe around. I didn’t feel like a constant guest in someone else’s home. I didn’t have to be constantly mindful of the noise or if I will wake someone up. This place, this 20 foot by 8 foot place was mine. I look forward to owning my home, even if I don’t own the land underneath it.

Sunday I started the process of sorting through the stuff in my room as to what to keep and what not to. I have already made a few decisions of what will just go in the trash once I leave this room. Others will come with me and still others will go to the storage unit. 

I know that this is an odd way to live but for me, for now, living in my trailer as an Urban Nomad, seems right. It will help me get closer towards being able to move to a place where I can do what I love for a living, rather than doing what I like to pay the bills.

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