Yesterday’s blog entry has left me a bit pensive and so much of yesterday I was visited by two old acquaintances: Reflection and Regret.
Despite the wise counsel of Logic and Reason to avoid such matters, sometimes I pause to look back on my life. It’s funny that when oft we do, rarely to we reminisce about our glories and victories, but rather our failures and missed opportunities.
As we get older, we can find ourselves wishing if we had the chance to go back to high school and do “adulthood” over again, how different things would be, knowing what we know now yet with so much of our lives out ahead of us.
Therein lies the problem: you can’t go back, and you wouldn’t want to, even if you could. A middle-aged consciousness trapped in a teenager’s body wouldn’t last a week in high school before having a psychotic episode.
We are the product of not only our successes, but our struggles and failures as well. If we pull at the loose threads of our lives, we, in turn begin to pull and unravel the very fabric of our lives. We need our failures to prepare us for the successes in the future: for we learn from them.
I do not know what lies ahead of me, but I know that I can handle just about anything, for I have had to do as much already (famous last word, I know). Companionship on my journey would have been nice, but alas, that was not to be, at least not yet.
I have loved, been loved and had relationships (and relations) but all of the ladies that have been romantic interests in my life for one reason or another were not quite the right one. The same is true for me with regards to them, I was not quite right for them. It is this truth that I must make peace with the most.
For one reason or another, romance just didn’t quite click, not long term anyways. Having someone just for the sake of having someone was never my style. For if I am with someone, I want to love them and be loved, not just tolerated to pay the bills: loved and made to feel special. Romance, for me is for the long haul as in lifelong: (or what’s left of it).
This lesson of today’s blog entry is another one in the “don’t do what I did” department. Leave your past in the past, and do not dwell too long on it. Look back to learn what lessons you can glean from it, but do so with a dispassionate eye. Do not pull at threads or spend time with ghosts. No good can come from this, take my word for it.
As always: Keep your head up, your attitude positive and keep moving (and looking) forward!