It is now just over a month from the day that I achieved a great goal: Total Debt Freedom.
This is a large accomplishment, and something that I should be proud of, and I am.
Yet, I have not relaxed, and this is not entirely due to the fact that I am now focussed on my next and larger goal, but rather due to echoes of the past.
I am still in Survival Mode. I am still weary of my precarious fiscal position and still vulnerable to a number of fiscal shocks.
I am not settled and I am certainly not at ease. I am better off than I was, but I am still trapped on the hamster wheel of working for existence.
I have not broken the cycle of crisis and debt; not yet, but I will.
Yet I also find myself battling the scars of a life of: privation, failures and dashed dreams . . . grand dreams at that.
I find myself battling: cynicism and futility.
I trudge forward because that is all I know how to do.
I know that I will slowly see things getting better in my life and slowly the double act of dread (cynicism and futility) will drop away.
We can get taught what to expect by the repetitive outcomes of our past endeavours. This can be for good and bad; I have seen both.
I will carry on, and I will endeavour to change my outlook and bring hope, real and true hope back to my life and outlook.
In time my successes will mount and my hope and confidence in the future will mount as well. For now, it is enough for me to recognize that I am still gripped by the past.
I will endure, I will trudge on; always trudge on.
As always: Keep your head up, your attitude positive, and keep moving forward!