Saturday, 14 June 2014

Paring Down Was Easier Than I Thought

I went to my storage unit today with the goal of putting things into three piles: 

1) Stuff to sell (IE: decent stuff but not what I want to keep)
2) Stuff to toss away (I can buy this again)
3) Stuff to keep. (Stuff I want to keep with me)

I thought it would take all day to figure this out. I imagined myself straining over each decision of what to keep. It seems that time has changed my perspective as the choices were easy to make. In the span of about an hour and a half I was able to sort through everything. 

The stuff I wanted to sell I put in my second storage unit. The stuff I wanted to toss away I loaded in my truck. The small amount of stuff that I wanted to keep I left in my first storage unit. As I surveyed this last section, I could imagine this fitting in Wanda and Treabilla. My goal had been achieved. 

I was able to make a deal with the people at the storage unit place. They are planning on having an auction (you know, to sell the stuff in storage units that people abandon). I was able to get them to let me put the stuff in my second storage unit in that auction. 

I paid up my storage units until the end of July. There are a few pieces of small furniture which are going home with mom (she doesn’t know it yet). They are pieces of furniture which have been in the family for generations that I can’t part with but can’t store in Wanda. That is why mom will be taking them home; if I sold or gave them away I would be disavowed from the family. 

I took the stuff I wanted to toss away to the dump. I hate that place as I always feel guilty. I am a third generation packrat so tossing anything away feels wrong. Sure I recycled my computer and what have you but actually tossing things in the bin felt wrong. It felt like I was killing the planet, and being wasteful. 

While both may be true, I simply need to get rid of this stuff, as it is dead weight in my life at this point everything I tossed away was stuff that I can buy again. The same can be said for the stuff I put in the second storage unit, to be auctioned off. It is all stuff that I can buy again, yet don’t need right at this moment. 

Thursday, 12 June 2014

Hard Choices

Okay, I still feel a bit guilty for moving out on Landlady. Part of me feels like I am leaving her in the lurch. I know that while she is nice and all, that she is neither my friend nor a relative.

I mean, we are friendly but say I didn’t have Wanda and lost my job. She may give me two weeks grace to pay the rent and then make me leave.  

I understand that the room must pay its way and that I am there because I pay rent, and need a place to stay.  Still, I have agreed to pay rent for July and move out early so as to allow someone else to move in.

I have decided to move out by noon on Saturday, July 12, one month from today as a matter of fact. It is a good day to move out as it’s not late on a Friday night, sneaking out nor is it in the middle of the week.

This month marks six months of storage and is time to pay another six months of storage. That got me thinking. Since my plans have changed, and I am not getting a house, do I need all of this stuff? The answer is no.

This means that I will be going through the stuff that I still have in storage and examine if I really, really need it. I will only keep what I can store in Wanda and/or Treabilla and get rid of the rest.

I will keep my storage units until the end of July and will either find a place to store the stuff I will keep in my truck and trailer or I will get rid of it.

This may seem extreme but if I am moving to Toronto, I need to move light. Besides a good deal of stuff that I have I kept because I thought they would be handy. 

I mean I have a box of software which contains Windows 95 Beta and I think possibly the disks for DOS and even Windows 3.11!!! Seriously, why do I have this stuff!!!!


The top of the list of stuff that I will keep has to do with Tanea and writing. My Script Builder and Tanea production info I will keep, most of the pictures I will also keep and a few select filmmaking books. The rest of it can go, as I can buy it again if I need to.

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Birthdays

Birthdays are milestones on the road of life. Just FYI, today is mine . . . I am 44 today.  

In our earlier years we look forward to the important birthdays, the key milestones of life. 

At Thirteen we are no longer a child but a teenager, on our way to adulthood.
At Sixteen we can drive.
At Eighteen we are an adult, sortof. 
At Nineteen we are an adult in more places and in greater ways
At Twenty-One we are an adult all over the world.

Birthdays are also when we, or at least I, reflect on your journey through life thus far. During the quieter moments of each and every birthday, we dust off our “to do list” of life. 

We check off the goals that have accomplished and examine the ones we have not. We ask ourselves, was that really important? Did I really want to do this? Or that? Do I still want, nay, need to do it? 

Such is the case with me.  As I sit here on my Forty-Forth birthday, as much as I may wish to, a few unachieved goals stick with me. 

One is that I have never been married, I have come close a few times, but never have I walked down the aisle. Whilst marriage at my age is still a possibility (and a certainty if I have my way), the other glaring goal is much less of a foregone conclusion.  

I wanted children, I always say myself as a father. I wanted the wife, kids, house yes even the dog. All the trappings of “settled, suburban life.” I know that I can still technically have kids, so that dream is not dead. 

The likelihood of meeting the right woman and starting a family with her within a reasonable timeframe, however, decreases with each day.  I don’t want just any woman to be the mother of my children, I want the right one. 

I will just have to focus on being a good uncle, I suppose. Above all, I need to get myself into a place and a financial position where dating and a family are possible.  

Enough of this, time to pick myself up and soldier on. Oh and happy birthday to me.

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

I Did It

I finally was able to talk to Landlady tonight and she asked me to give her a bit more time. 

We agreed that since this was not proper notice, I would pay for July I would move out on July 15. 

If she found someone earlier than the end of the month,  that she would refund me the last half of July's rent.

The irony is that if I had told her/made a decision when I was considering it the end of May, I would not be paying one more month of rent.

I do not regret it, I am who I am,  and honour must be satisfied.

Not My Fault

I was going to tell Landlady last night. I was all worked up, I knew that she didn’t work Mondays and would most likely be home. When I got home she was putting he shoes on . . . she was leaving to play softball.  

I didn’t have the heart to tell her as she was leaving, so I decided to wait until she got home. I was asleep before she got home. 

I will make a point to tell her that I am moving out tonight. I am telling you so as to further motivate me and force myself to go through with this. 

Monday, 9 June 2014

I’m a Chicken

I hate confrontation, I always have. I won’t go into the inner workings of my twisted mind. Nor will I go on some grand tour of my childhood the point of which would be to blame my parents. 

I make my choices and it is how we react to what has happened to us which shape us into who and what we are. As for me, I hate confronting people and/or letting people down.

I tried to work myself up to talk to the Landlady to let her know that I am moving out. I know that I must let her know, today. She needs enough time to find someone else to rent this room. She deserves to know. I know intellectually that she will be fine and that she has told me that she doesn’t need any notice. 

I still feel that I am letting her down by moving out. I also know that by telling her I am moving out, I am actually moving out and into my trailer. This will then make this choice real. This feels like when I handed in my notice for my townhouse. I know that I need to do this, I will make myself tell her tonight.

On Friday, I got a pleasant visit from an old friend. I have known her since elementary school and while she has been in my life she has not dominated it. She has simply been there, a quiet, constant presence. It was good to catch up with her and find out that she has been more supportive of me than I knew. She has been my quiet champion, and I send out my thanks to her . . . she who needs not be named. 

As we talked and visited there was a calming connection. While we have not seen each other in years and have rarely spoke on Facebook, it felt as if we had just seen each other last week, and the week prior. It was good to feel such a casual and comforting presence. I felt no need or desire to puff myself up or lie to impress my long-time friend. I had the impression that any such attempt she would see right through. I look forward to seeing her again, soon.

Saturday morning I went to my Storage place and got a second storage unit. In it I moved my bedroom suite and all of the things that I don’t want. I know since my life is now shrinking down to living in Wanda and possibly moving to Toronto, I have decided only to keep what will fit in the back of Treabilla as I pull Wanda down the road. 

I know that the trip to Toronto will take longer than others might do it, as I will be loaded down. That is why I will make sure to keep only what is absolutely essential; only that which means something to me. If I can buy it again, out it goes. Here, this is what it looks like, let me know if you want anything . . . or all of it I will give you a great deal on it. I plan to keep this unit for only a month, as I sell it's contents.


I know that moving into the trailer is the right decision for me. I visited Wanda on Saturday afternoon. Okay, I had to move Wanda from one part of the storage place to another. As well I had to do a few minor repairs, and put some stickers on her. As promised here are the shots of the stickers that I put on Wanda.






As I was in and about Wanda it felt as if this was home. I didn’t have to tiptoe around. I didn’t feel like a constant guest in someone else’s home. I didn’t have to be constantly mindful of the noise or if I will wake someone up. This place, this 20 foot by 8 foot place was mine. I look forward to owning my home, even if I don’t own the land underneath it.

Sunday I started the process of sorting through the stuff in my room as to what to keep and what not to. I have already made a few decisions of what will just go in the trash once I leave this room. Others will come with me and still others will go to the storage unit. 

I know that this is an odd way to live but for me, for now, living in my trailer as an Urban Nomad, seems right. It will help me get closer towards being able to move to a place where I can do what I love for a living, rather than doing what I like to pay the bills.

Monday, 2 June 2014

Banff Was Good . . . Decision Was Made

I had a nice, relaxing, yet productive time in Banff, this weekend. I was able to finish putting things away and get Wanda organized.  Now, when I want to get away, all I need is to take a cooler of the foods I need to refrigerate and go. 

There will always be small things here and there to take and tweak, but that is part of the fun.  For example, while I did install a modest key ring holder, I still need to figure out where and how to attach a hat hook. 

Here are a few choice pics from the weekend. 







I even took a walk around the town of Banff to soak up the atmosphere and to search for two stickers. I ended up getting two but not one that I wanted. I have decided to turn the back of Wanda into a (borderline tacky) scrapbook of where she has been. 

On one side I intend to put stickers of provinces/states where she has been through (in proper geographical order) and on the other stickers of places/towns that I liked.  I see this as similar to what people did to their suitcases in years gone by.

While I could find a nifty “Canada” sticker and a nifty one of Banff (pictures next time) I could not find one of “Alberta.” My original plan was to buy the sticker of a province/state in that province/state. Since I was not able to easily find the Alberta one, I have decided to buy the bunch from a flag shop in town and only put them on Wanda when she has “earned” it. 

The other thing I did while in the town of Banff was to buy a group yearly pass to the park. This means that I can take up to six people with me into any Federal Park or historical site for as long as I want all year long. Unfortunately this does not include camping fees, but since they charge ten bucks a day per person, the pass is worth it. 

As far as my decision goes, it was made easier knowing that the trailer really is meant to be self-contained. You are not supposed to empty the blackwater tank until it is almost full. This gives the bacteria time to . . . shall we say . . . work their magic on the contents of said blackwater tank. 

While I have decided to go ahead and Boondock it for the summer at least, the question is just when to start. I have paid rent up till the end of the month (June) so I might as well take advantage of that money already spent. 

I know that Landlady has said that I don’t need to give her proper notice and more than likely will refund me my money, but that just doesn’t sit well with me. She has been fair and decent to me, so why treat her worse than any other landlord? I will tell her my decision and move out either the weekend of the 14th or the 21st. 

This is a big decision and might be a huge mistake, but for now, it is something I feel I need to do. If this goes well I will reduce what I have in storage and get rid of my bedroom set and computer desk. There is no need to keep such bulky/duplicate items. 

I have a feeling that once my credit cards are paid off and I have a small amount in the bank I will be moving east to pursue my passion in TV/Film.  I need to get down to a point where the only things I need to pay for are my current expenses. That way I don’t need a large amount of money to do what I love (or rather would love to do).