I was given the day off, as so many of us were for Remembrance Day, so I relaxed in my Western Home. I did steal some Wi-Fi and take in the Remembrance Day Ceremonies online, however.
I didn’t go down anywhere for the same reason I don’t go anywhere near downtown or other congested areas. I always fear of not finding a place to park or parking in a narrow or otherwise dangerous place to leave Wanda (vehicle impact damage or theft).
I used the time to pause and reflect on: my past, my life and where I am going. Usually this is a recipe for disaster and depression, I know. This time it was different.
I was able to reflect on things and come to peace with my past and who I am now. I won’t go into the hows or whys, as such reflections and introspections are by their nature an intensely personal thing.
Since this is a record of my journey towards Credit Card Debt Freedom and beyond, however, I will include that this has taken place.
I always promised to be honest about what has happened to me and what I am going through. Don’t worry, I won’t preach . . . well no more than usual I suppose.
In any case, even if I told you everything about my reflections, you wouldn’t get it. What makes sense to me in such matters will most likely not make any sense to you (and visa-versa).
That is okay and just the way of things, as we each must walk our own path in life. So it stands to reason that we must each find our own way to make peace with our past and indeed with ourselves.
I feel that a great weight has been lifted from me and indeed a large ball, tumor rather, of hate has been cut out of me and discarded. I have had reflections before, but this time feels different. I genuinely feel at peace with and confident about myself.
So confident it seems that I don’t mind putting this out there in such a public forum to invite scorn and ridicule. Once again, it is my life and I will live it as I see fit. I will accept the consequences of my choices and the outcomes of my actions.
I don’t need, nor care, to impress anyone. I don’t wish to offend anyone either. I will just be me, the best me that I can be, and always seek ways to better myself. Come what may, I will be okay . . . more than okay.
I no longer feel angry with the world for putting me in this position of living in Wanda or regret what has not happened in my life (as in wife, kids and a home ownership). I no longer feel like a “victim” of whatever or the happenings in my past.
I know and accept that it is as a result of the challenges and hardships that I have faced in my life and in particular in these last two years that I have become a stronger and more capable person.
This is a good mindset and a good place to be as I am on the eve (ten days as a matter of fact) of being Credit Card Debt Free. Then it is time to focus on paying off Trea and Wanda debts as I build up my savings.
As always I will look for opportunities and take advantage of them, but I shall do so without fear, confident in myself and my abilities. Yet this shall be tempered with wisdom to know when to charge in and when not to. Even if I do tilt when I should yield, I will deal with that eventuality too.
My life is not over and whatever happens or doesn’t will happen or won’t. I will live in the now as I dream for the future, plan for the mid-term yet focus on today.