Okay so I looked at my budget and my banking info last night. This was because the last of the automatic payments have come out of the account yesterday; this is always a time of reckoning for me. The good news is that I will make it to payday on the positive side of zero . . . with $31.69 to my name, but it is still above zero.
Card #1 on the other hand has grown to $1700.00 (my bad). On a positive note it looks as if I will be able to plunk $1500.00 on it this payday and kill the rest of it off next payday (7th of May). (This has been a good payday). That would kill it off and allow me to focus (finally) on the dreaded Card #3.
I hope to keep this pattern up and stuff as much as I can spare onto that Card #3 and hopefully put at least $2000.00 per month (hopefully more), thereby ensuring to kill it off by August, and hopefully (fingers and toes crossed) by the end of July.
I know that my choices and setbacks have hampered my progress but at least I have continued to move forward despite them. There have been obstacles and unforeseen difficulties that would have been better handled with a contingency fund or a more liberal budget.
For me, for my mental health I need to get these cards done as soon as possible; I just need them done. They have been taking so much of my money and resources while giving nothing back. Sure I have done this to myself (I accept that) and have charged every purchase on them. As it stands now, and in reality, I currently possess almost nothing that I have charged on them.
These cards are a large hole in the earth into which I throw money month after month, year after year (for five long years). They are an open wound from which I bleed financially. As near as I can figure it, I have spent almost $50,000 over five years to pay back $17,000 in debt. That is a lot of money which I could have done a lot of different things with, to better my life.
So, for me, it is personal, and I need them done, once and for all, sooner rather than later. After all of this money spent on them and sacrifice to pay them off, I will have nothing to show for it, save my pride in a task completed and obligations met; honour satisfied.
Once these cards are done a large weight will be lifted from my shoulders. Then and only then I can relax and move on, but not until then. It may be illogical and most (if anyone) will not understand it, but this is what I need to do, for me. Then I can finally close this chapter of my life and move on to a happier chapter of building for my future, a chapter of saving and deciding what to do with this foreign thing called “extra money.”
Well then, now on to happier topics.
I have checked the weather and this weekend looks like it won’t be so bad, and next weekend looks to be about the same. I know that I need to spend some time to organize and sort through what I have. It is time to complete my spring cleaning.
While I shouldn’t spend the cash, it looks like I will go to McLean Creek this weekend (thank you Card #1). For me, this is the little bit that I spend on “entertainment” going camping, a return to a measure of civilization, for me. If it wasn’t for the need for water and the unfinished spring cleaning, I wouldn’t go . . . but I will; such is the illogical me . . . I guess that makes me human.